elliott smith said it best.

I walked home alone again tonight. No friends. No girl. No nothing but my headphones and Jeff singing to me about how you don't own me how he's happy with his flaws.

I walk past all the bars on 4th and on University and it makes me seethe with utter contempt. I hate all of them. I hate them so much. Their hollow, pathetic lives, but hey, they're happy. They're having the time of their lives being wastes of flesh and bone and fucking and fucking over and fucking off and being fucking done. I can't help but have an expressive frown on my face when I see men with their nice white shirts and pre-distressed jeans try to talk to some girl who's vagina is hanging from below her dress. I can't help but hate their laughs and their stupid shitty lives that I don't even know the first thing about. Maybe they're good people? I don't give a fuck if they are.

I hate everyone I see. Everyone. Every girl who doesn't look at me and every girl who does. I hate every guy who thinks hes better than me and every guy who actually is. My friends? What fucking friends? Who the fuck can I truly relate to except a small, small number (most of which don't even live in this fucking state?). Who do I have to call? Who do I have to cry to? No one and nothing.

I yell "fuck all of you" off my balcony and my hearts beats slow and hard. I hate the sororities that line my street and I hate everyone that I never have to see. I hate too much and too little all at the same time. My life is an enigma.

I'm desperate. I'm disconnected. I'm disenchanted. I'm depressed. I embarrassed myself today in front of the one person who makes me feel sane every so often here and I went back to my room and hit my head against my desk. She probably thinks little of me of now.

Get me out of here. Get me out of this mess. This is what happens. This week has been great. I've been happy. Content. Breathed easy. Tonight changed everything.

I walked home alone again tonight. As always. No one ever walks back. No one goes anywhere. Everyone stays and rots and dies. Fuck all of them. I want to move. I want to breathe. I want to be something. I want to do something. I need people to relate to. I need people to talk to. I need someone to want to be my friend. I need a lot of things. I need everything.

I walked home alone again tonight, and it won't be the last time.