where am i.

Heart goes taut. Held tight. Hung by a noose, it quietly whimpers. Heart burn. Heart ache. I want to punch a brick wall. Fuck up my knuckles and cry battery acid. Blind. Blind from every fucking word that was shoved into my head. Phone rings start to sound like wind: remote and transparent, blending into everything else. I feel light. Weightless. Don’t let go. I’ll float to the ceiling. The view from up here is shit. Nothing is clear. Nothing makes sense. Nothing looks beautiful. It’s all grey and old and dying and sad.

Where are the pats on the back? Where are smiles? Locked up and now fucked up. No one is fortunate enough. No one that’s me. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. But that’s your arm; you’re making me do it. Take it. Take it all away. Take every single fucking part of me, tear me limb from useless limb until I’m just a pool of blue blood, never touching the air and useless. I’m useless. My voice sounds of a radiator. Buzz. Buzz.

I’ll wake up and forgive and forget and fuck and be fucked. I’ll run my own car into the wall forever. Each time I wake up is in a dream. Endless tunnels. Endless doors. No end in sight. No light. Just my legs burning and the smell of burnt tire.