the horribleand the miserable.

THIS IS DONE

2009-08-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

Go here instead:

http://inshortlivedmoments.tumblr.com/
http://inshortlivedmoments.tumblr.com/
http://inshortlivedmoments.tumblr.com/
http://inshortlivedmoments.tumblr.com/
http://inshortlivedmoments.tumblr.com/
http://inshortlivedmoments.tumblr.com/

i am sick

2009-08-05T14:18:00.000-07:00

and tired.

is it dumb

2009-07-24T11:39:00.001-07:00

that I think Kristen Stewart wearing a Minor Threat shirt at Comic-Con is cool?

sigh.

2009-07-22T13:33:00.000-07:00

another knot.

2009-07-16T00:28:00.001-07:00

Another reason to hang my fucking head.

do you really think justice's scale is balanced?

2009-07-03T14:38:00.000-07:00

No longer called Calloused. It's SLEEPLESS now.

http://www.myspace.com/sleeplesshc

handless hearts.

2009-06-21T21:37:00.001-07:00

Add Calloused on Myspace, please.

Go to our first show:

places i want to move to.

2009-06-21T15:37:00.000-07:00

I would say a good 80% of these places are improbable, but maybe someday it will happen.

London, England
Holland
Chicago, Illinois
Tokyo, Japan
Portland, Oregon
Washington, D.C
Madrid, Spain

i can hardly wait til the sun and your lips are both pressing on my skin.

2009-06-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

life.

2009-06-19T02:47:00.001-07:00

I am a monster.

knots.

2009-06-18T03:26:00.000-07:00

This is why I curse you, do you realize that? This is why I refuse to believe in you. This is why I sound like a mad-man when I talk to you [myself].

Walking back to my car. Heavy feeling in my chest. My heart is in knots. It's made of stone. It's weak. Puttering out.

No hands. No touch. Head looking at the ground. Ashamed. Who am I? No. Who are you? Who are we? Lost in a sea of Bud Light. This couch seems very long now.

Can't go in that room. Memories. Not that one. Not that one, either. Everything makes my heart sink into my stomach.

"Stop it."

This is how it goes: I'll hang it in front of your face. I'll let it sit. But you won't ever reach it. Never. Maybe a taste, maybe a little bit. But never again. Never.

This is why I spite you, this is why I don't believe. Pain is pain is pain is pain. It's all the same, and it's all very real.

this has been

2009-06-13T04:29:00.001-07:00

The best summer ever.

i wanna stay 18 forever.

2009-06-09T08:17:00.000-07:00

coming soon...

2009-06-06T14:05:00.001-07:00

last exit to springfield.

2009-05-31T12:43:00.001-07:00

Selling a ton of my records.

2009-05-25T13:28:00.000-07:00

I have no money. Buy.

___________________________

5”
Hatred Surge - "Con Artist / Lack of Intelligence"
Jenny Piccolo / The Locust - Split 5” (Picture disc)
Waifle / Anasazi- “This is a Party as Much as it is a Funeral” (Peach)

6”
Orchid / Combatwoundedveteran– split 6” (Orange cover)

7”
Against Me!- “Cavalier Eternal” (Gold)
Against Me!- “Crime, As Forgiven By”
Against Me!- “Jordan’s First Choice”
Against Me!- “Sink, Florida, Sink” (Purple)
Against Me!- “The Disco Before the Breakdown” (Red)
Alarm - "s/t" (Green) x2
Assholeparade- “Say Goodbye” (Pink)
Black Flag - "Nervous Breakdown" (Second Press)
Broadway Calls / Teenage Bottlerocket - Split 7"
Capitalist Causalities / Monster X Split 7” (Light blue)
Caustic Christ- “s/t”
Ceremony – “Ruined”
Charles Bronson / Quill – Split 7”
Chinese Telephones / Dear Landlord - Split 7"
Chisel- “s/t” (White)
Crossed Eyes – “Rattled”
Cult Ritual - "s/t" (Green)
Defiance, Ohio / One Reason – Split 7” (Clear)
Despise You / Stapled Shut - Split 7"
Dillinger Four / Pinhead Gunpowder - Split 7"
Dillinger Four / The Strike - "The Rebel's Choice" Split 7"
Dillinger Four - "More Songs about Girlfriends and Bubblegum"
Disease Called Man- “s/t”
Downcast - "s/t"
Dropdead / Totalitar - Split 7" (Grey)
Dry-Rot - "This Is A Forest b/w Lumber Yard"
Durga- “Earn Your Red Wings, Mormon!” (Red)
Exalted - "We Are the Grim Throng"
Fake Out / Female Snake - Split 7"
Fever - "S.E.S"
Fifteen- “Ooze”
Fucked Up – “Litany”
Fucked Up – “Police”
Gauze – “s/t”
God is my Co-pilot - "Ootka sa poika vai tytto?"
Godflesh – “Merciless” 2x7” (White/White)
Guyana Punch Line- “Sounds For the [new] Youth Aesthetic”
Harm's Way - "Imprisoned"
Harm's Way - "s/t"
Hatred Surge - "Servamt b/w Bestial"
Hatred Surge - "Isolated Human"
Hatred Surge – “s/t”
Hatred Surge / Insect Warfare - Split 7"
Hatred Surge/Iron Lung - "Broken: A Collaboration"
Herds - "Spring b/w Katmai"
Hi Ho, Six Shooter!- “The Battle of Mine Creek” (Solid Blue)
Holding On- “s/t”
Insect Warfare – “Endless Execution Thru Violent Restitution”
Issei Sagawa – “s/t” (Test press)
J Church- “Waiting on the Ground”
Jawbreaker – “Busy”
Jawbreaker – “Live at 924 Gilman St. – 8/11/90” (Blue)
Jawbreaker / Jawbox – Split 7”
Jawbreaker / Samiam – Split 7”
Jenny Piccolo – “Lowest Common Denominator” (Picture disc)
Jenny Piccolo / Su19b – Split 7” (Clear)
K Strategists- “Survival Through Creative Endeavors”
Lake Effect / Godstomper – Split 7” (White)
Lords of Light - "s/t"
Mass Movement of the Moth / Sing! Sing! Prison- Split 7” (Pre-order version; personalized; Green)
Mehkago N.T. - "Human Extinction"
Mehkago N.T. / Religious as Fuck - Split 7" (Grey)
Mentally Challenged - "Disappeared b/w Surveillance"
Mind Eraser - "The Prodigal Son Brings Death" (Orange)
Necros – “Sex Drive”
Noothgrush / Wellington- Split 7"
Occam’s Razor- “Letters from the Slave Auction”
Off Minor / My Disco- Split 7” (Grey)
Opstand - "No Police, More Brutality"
Orchid – “s/t” (Blue)
Orchid / The Red Scare- Split 7”
Outraged – “No Somos Igual”
Paper Chase, The- “…And the Machines Are Winning”
Pig Heart Transplant - "Nature b/w Nurture"
Promise Ring, The - "Boys + Girls"
Propagandhi – “How To Clean a Couple of Things”
Punch – “Eyeless E.P.”
RAMBO / Crucial Unit – “Sea of Steel Vol. 1”
Reactionary 3- “s/t”
Restrained – “s/t” (White)
Rhino Charge- “s/t”
Rosa- "Texarkana-Get-a-High Five"
Sabertooth Zombie – “Dent Face.” (Cream)
Seein’ Red / Hammer – Split 7”
Slave One - "s/t"
Sojourner - "Overwhelming"
Stapled Shut - "World of Noise"
Swarm, The- “Old Blue Eyes is Dead” (Blue)
Take Down Your Art- “Vox Populi Capaz Infiniti” (Pre-order version; Green)
Tear It Up- "s/t" (Grey)
They and the Children- “s/t”
This Is My Fist!- “I Don’t Want to Startle You But they are Going to Kill Most of Us”
This Ship Will Sink / Is This Real?- Split 7”
Threatener – “…And The Bending of Throats”
Total Abuse – “Sex Pig”
Tragedy / Totalitar- Split 7”
Trap Them – “Séance Prime” (Clear Purple/Black Splatter)
Trap Them / Extreme Noise Terror – Split 7” (Clear)
Unbroken - "You Won't Be Back" (Orange)
Unbroken - "Circa '77"
Unbroken – “And b/w Fall on Proverb” (Clear Black Splatter)
Unbroken / Groundwork – Split 7”
Vitamin X – “Rip It Out”
Waco Fuck – “Slow Decay”
Weekend Nachos - "Torture"

v/a - Brouhaha (Jawbreaker, etc)
v/a – Cry Now, Cry Later vol. 3 2x7” (Man is the Bastard, Lack of Interest, Soilent Green, Loomis Slovak, Crom, Excruciating Terror, Cavity, Flame Retarded, Agathocles, Suppression)
v/a – Cry Now, Cry Later vol. 4 2x7” (Divisia, Carol, Spazz, Los Crudos, Gasp, Halfman, Noothgrush, Charles Bronson, Locust, Detestation)
v/a - No Idea Zine Issue 10 Comp. (Bombshell, Radon, Cruel, Spoke)
v/a - Reality #1 (Excruciating Terror, MITB, Despise You, Crom, Spazz, Lack of Interest)

10”
Absinthe – “s/t” (White)
Environmental Youth Crunch / Pink Razors – “The Hits” Split 10” (Pink)
Envy / Iscariote- Split 10”
Infest- “Mankind”
In Disgust – “Reality Choke”
Jenny Piccolo / Asterisk* - Split 10” (Peach)
La Quiete / Louise Cyphre- Split 10” (Red and Yellow Splatter on Clear)
Man is the Bastard / The Locust – “Our Earth’s Blood Pt. 2”
Orchid- “Dance Tonight! Revolution Tomorrow!”
The Khayembii Communique / The Vida Blue- Split 10” (Blue)
The Swarm – “Parasitic Skies” (Green marble)
Total Fury - "Commited to the Core"
Twelve Hour Turn – “Bend Break Spill”

v/a - Limited Options... Sold as Noble Endeavors (Dillinger Four, etc)
v/a - Make the Collector Nerd Sweat (Jawbreaker, Crimpshrine, etc)

11”
Dropdead – “Discography” (Yellow)

12”
Acrid – “Sea of Shit” (Red)
Against Me!- “As The Eternal Cowboy”
Against Me!- “Is Reinventing Axl Rose” (Clear)
Against Me!- “Searching for a Former Clarity” 2xLP (Black and White)
Agathocles / Unholy Grave- Split 12”
Alkaline Trio - "Maybe I'll Catch Fire"
Alkaline Trio - "s/t"
Antischism – “Still Life” (White)
Artimus Pyle- “Civil Dead” (Green)
Avail - "Satiate"
Avskum- “In The Spirit of Mass Destruction”
Ben Weasel – “FIDATEVI”
Black Flag- “Damaged”
Black Flag - "Damaged" (First press)
Black Kites - "Advancement to Ruin" (Clear)
Braindead - "No Consequences"
Breakfast- “3rd & Army”
Breathing Fire "Years of Lead"
Broadways, The - "Broken Star"
Burial Year- “s/t” (Tour Edition)
Bury Me Standing / Madeline Ferguson – Split 12”
Cancer Kids, The- “The Possible Dream”
Career Suicide - "s/t"
Chokehold - "Content With Dying"
Clorox Girls – “s/t”
Conga Fury- “Dear Friends,”
Crime Desire – “s/t”
Crimpshrine - "The Sound of a New World Being Born"
Cut The Shit – “Harmed and Dangerous” (Clear)
Dangerdoom- “The Mouse and the Mask”
Daniel Striped Tiger- “Conditions”
Dead Kennedys- “Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables”
Defiance, Ohio- “Share What Ya Got” (Grey)
Defiance, Ohio- “The Great Depression” (Grey)
Descendents- “Milo Goes to College”
Despise You – “West Side Horizons” (Blue)
DFA- “Defy False Authority”
Dillinger Four - "File Under Adult Contemporary"
Dillinger Four- “Midwestern Songs of the Americas”
Dillinger Four- “This Shit is Genius” (Red)
Dillinger Four - "Versus God"
Disembodied - "Heretic"
Downcast- “s/t”
Dropdead - "First LP"
Dropdead- “Second LP”
Dystopia- “Human=Garbage” (Clear)
Ergs!, The – “Dorkrockcorkrod” (Yellow)
Eulcid- “The Wind Blew All the Fires Out” (Grey)
F.U.'s, The - "My America / Kill For Christ"
Fifteen- “Survivor” 2xLP (Red and Black)
Fifteen- “The Choice of a New Generation”
Floor - "s/t" (Clear)
Funeral Diner / Staircase- Split 12”
Gehenna - "Upon the Gravehill"
Godstomper / Bizarre X- Split 12”
Government Warning – “No Moderation”
Graf Orlock / Greyskull- Split 12” (Smog)
Guyana Punch Line- “Direkt Aktion” (Pink)
Guyana Punch Line- “Maximum Smashism” (Orange)
Hatred Surge / The Endless Blockade- Split 12" (Clear with red splatter)
Heatmiser – “Dead Air” (Clear)
Hellnation- “Cheerleaders for Imperialism”
Hellnation / Capitalist Casualties - Split 12"
His Hero is Gone- “Fifteen Counts of Arson”
His Hero is Gone- “The Plot Sickens”
Holy Mountain, The - “Bloodstains Across Your Face” (Red)
Homostupids – “The Intern” (Blue Swirl)
Hummingbird of Death / I Accuse! – Split 12”
Husker Du – “Do You Remember?: The Early Years 1980 – 1982”
In First Person / Storm the Bastille – Split 12” (Pink)
In First Person- “Lost Between Hands Held Tight” (Clear Black Splatter)
Insect Warfare – “World Extermination”
Integrity - "Systems Overload"
Isis- “Panopticon” 2xLP (Clear)
J Church – “Society is a Carnivores Flower” (Blue)
Jawbreaker - "Chesterfield King" 12"
Jawbreaker - "Etc." 2xLP
Jawbreaker – “24 Hour Revenge Therapy”
Jawbreaker – “Bivouac”
Jawbreaker – “Dear You” 2xLP (Blue/Blue)
Jawbreaker – “Unfun”
Jello Biafra w/ The Melvins- “Never Breathe What You Can’t See”
Jenny Piccolo- “Information Battle to Denounce the Genocide” (Red)
Julie Doiron – “Woke Myself Up”
Kid Dynamite - "s/t"
Koro – “Speed Kills”
La Quiete- “La Fine no la Fine” (European version)
Lack of Interest- “Trapped Inside”
Lawrence Arms, The - "Cocktails and Dreams"
Look Back and Laugh- “II”
Los Crudos / Spitboy- Split 12”
Loser Life – “My Hell”
Lucero - "Nobody's Darlings"
Magrudergrind / Shitstorm- Split 12” (Red splatter)
Mammoth Grinder – “Rage and Ruin” (Grey)
Mara’akate- “s/t”
Meneguar – “The In Hour”
Meneguar- “I Was Born At Night” (Tour Edition)
Mind Eraser - "Cave" (Black)
Mind Eraser – “Glacial Reign”
Minor Threat – “Out of Step” (First Press)
Minor Threat- “Out of Step”
Modern Machines - "Thwap!"
Municipal Waste – “Waste ‘Em All” (Green)
Never Healed - "s/t"
Negative Approach- “Tied Down”
No Hope For The Kids – “s/t”
Off With Their Heads – “All Things Move Towards Their End” (Red)
Off With Their Heads - "From the Bottom"
Off With Their Heads – “Hospitals”
Okkervil River – “Black Sheep Boy”
Okkervil River – “Don’t Fall In Love With Everyone You See” (Red)
Okkervil River – “The President’s Dead”
Osker- “Treatment 5”
Pg. 99- “Document #7” (Blue)
Phobia - "Get Up and Kill" LP (Red)
Phobia - "Grind Your Fucking Head In"
Phoenix Bodies / Enkephalin- Split 12” (Coke bottle clear)
Portraits of Past- “0100101110100011100100100”
Promise Ring, The - "Very Emergency"
Protestant- “Make Peace With the Rope You Hang From” (Orange/Grey/Black)
Racebannon / Song of Zarathustra- Split 12”
Reversal of Man- “This is Medicine”
Saves the Day- “Stay What You Are”
Saves the Day- “Through Being Cool” (White)
Science of Yabra- “Don’t Panic”
Screeching Weasel- “Bark Like a Dog”
Severed Head of State- “Anathema Device”
Severed Head of State- “s/t” (One-sided)
Sex / Vid - "Communal Living"
Shook Ones – “Sixteen” (Blue)
Skitsystem- “Gra Varld / Svarta Tankar”
Sleep- “Dopesmoker” 2xLP
Songs, Ohia- “s/t”
Strike Anywhere- “Exit English” (Orange)
Takaru- “There Can Be Only None”
Teenage Bottlerocket - "Another Way"
This Bike is a Pipe Bomb - "Front Seat Solidarity" (Grey)
Toru Okada- “s/t”
Trainwreck – “s/t” (Orange)
Unbroken - "Life. Love. Regret."
Violent Minds – “s/t”
Vivian Girls - "s/t"
Voetsek- “The Castrator Album”
Waco Fuck – “Paranoia is Total Awareness”
Walls - "s/t"
Witches With Dicks - "Manual"
Zegota- “Reclaim!”

v/a - All Systems Go! (Earthmover, etc)
v/a - It's For Life (Unbroken, etc)
v/a - Reality #2 (Gasp, Noothgrush, Man is the Bastard, Spazz, Despise You, Infest, etc.) (Yellow)
v/a - Reality #3 (Los Crudos, MK Ultra, Charles Bronson, Phobia, Infest, Locust, Jenny Piccolo, Dropdead, Hellnation, etc.)
v/a - Reality #4 (PLF, su19b, Unruh, etc)
v/a - Trapped in a Scene (Hatred Surge, etc)

mess with my mind.

2009-05-22T23:27:00.001-07:00

...

2009-05-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

To no one in particular:

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

it's raining today.

2009-05-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

There is no better music for a rainy day.

It was around this day last year that I graduated from high school and gave a speech to my class. It feels like forever ago. I suppose a year is a long time. Relatively speaking, of course. That speech I gave is probably one of my proudest memories of high school. I remember walking up the podium and people clapping for me and cheering before I said a word. The first thought in my head was, "Wait, people know who I am and like me enough to cheer for me before I even say a word?" It felt nice.

I'm glad there is a tree right outside of my window.

this is out of our reach.

2009-05-20T22:36:00.000-07:00

It's weird how good Bleach and In Utero are and how much of a fuck I don't give about Nevermind. That album is just straight up boring. In Bloom is an okay song, I suppose.

I still have no job. I still feel anxious 24/7. My heart beats slowly and thumps before I fall asleep. I downloaded Vicky Cristina Barcelona tonight because I haven't seen it since I saw it in theaters. I also downloaded Videodrome because I lost my fucking copy when I was moving back in (I think that's when, anyway).

Life goes on.

every night.

2009-05-20T01:34:00.000-07:00

Anxious. Every night I try to let my head rest by 2 AM. Maybe 2:30. Depending. Fingers ache. Mind frayed. Every wall looks another surface to bash my head against.

No girls. No smiles. No sun. No well wishing and no good lucks. No reassurance and no appreciation. My hands are open; my hands are not empty. I want to yell until my voice is shot and then I'll yell some more. Misanthropic and pessimistic, but with a smile. A real one. Not fake. Happy pessimism and agreeable misanthropy.

Do you hate?

I hate. Every fiber of my body hates. I don't know what it's like to not hate. Each face crumbles and I hate some more. Vicious cycle. Vicious life. I'll shake hands and I'll give it a shot.

I am not a dog on a leash. I am not someone to be tested on, to see how far the limits go. Fingernails dig into scalp. Am I actually this weak or is it possible for people to be this strong? Nevermind. Nevermind everything. I'll always justify. I'll always want to feel better.

It's 1:41 AM. I have twenty minutes until I intend to go to sleep and another thirty until I actually do.

Do you hate?

You must.

lets live our life now.

2009-05-10T23:55:00.001-07:00

I decided to upload Harmonium's 2004 demo for you all to listen to. This was my first real, serious band. Some of the best times of my life so far took place in Josh Brent's bedroom, practicing with this band. I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. Period. Take a listen...

Harmonium - We Eat Beautiful Music

i'm going crazy.

2009-05-08T18:56:00.000-07:00

My heart feels like it's always in a knot.

I am not a dog on a leash.

CHICAGO!

2009-04-30T14:05:00.000-07:00

Fuck you Swine Flu, you ain't stopping me from seeing Unbroken.

these pants are new as hell!

2009-04-27T13:12:00.001-07:00

we are the sons of no one.

2009-04-25T01:55:00.000-07:00

best tv edit... ever?

2009-04-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

I think so. This is just... amazing.

you know what? i'm the biggest star here, man.

2009-04-16T15:17:00.001-07:00

c'mon frank, what are you doing?

2009-04-16T12:49:00.001-07:00

there it is: love and hate.

2009-04-16T12:48:00.001-07:00

you assholes, you ruined my portable phone!

2009-04-16T12:45:00.001-07:00

wheat. i'm dead, they're talking about wheat.

2009-04-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

my boy's wicked smart.

2009-04-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.

2009-04-16T00:47:00.000-07:00

it's sometimes hard to admit...

2009-04-12T01:43:00.001-07:00

but it is.

a note:

2009-04-05T01:22:00.000-07:00

If you wear a scarf in Arizona after the month of February, you are an asshole. I don't care who you are. I don't care if you're funny, or interesting, or anything at all. I just know you're an asshole and you should run back to your Arcade Fire CDs and American Spirit smoking hipster friends who think vests are cool for some inexplicable reason.

listen.

2009-04-02T19:44:00.001-07:00

Listen to some songs I wrote.

http://www.myspace.com/evanchinaski

if only i could sing!

2009-04-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

Open call for Broadway Spider-Man motherfucking musical what the mother fuck?!

This will be horrible. I also want to see it very bad.

all i've been thinking about lately.

2009-03-21T00:23:00.001-07:00

I want a PS3 to play MGS4, though. :/

over the shoulder.

2009-03-19T21:37:00.000-07:00

I can't help but sit in my dorm room and feel defeated. Uncool. Disliked. Pushed aside. There is an air to me that people do not like, I can tell. There must be something. There has to be. I am pathetic, low, and stupid beyond belief. I knowingly wallow in my own self pity. I am a sad display of a human.

it worked for woody.

2009-03-18T01:25:00.000-07:00

Also, if you didn't already know, I'm dropping out. I want to make movies or write a novel. Bob Odenkirk said if I wanted to make films I'd have to live in LA for awhile. Looks like I'll have to suck up my hatred and contempt for that fucking place. Or I'll just become a hermit and write a novel that will never get published.

The point is: Fuck college.

we're getting older but we're acting dumber.

2009-03-18T00:20:00.000-07:00

Blake once wrote a song that I'm afraid I'll be able to relate to too much soon too soon.

"Can I call you? Do you still hate me?"

24 is the highest number.

2009-03-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

carrie goldberg, i wanted to have sex with you.

2009-03-12T13:54:00.000-07:00

Even though my mood has been lousy as of late, this album has been able to put a smile on my face for the past couple of days. Remember how I said Weston's "Got Beat Up" was the quintessential "high school" album? Well, The Steinways' "Missed the Boat" is it's long lost brother. Vocalist/guitarist Garth Madden writes songs about how girls won't have sex with him, how he wished Jewish girls liked him, how he ran out of weed, how a girl he liked is sleeping with her teacher, et cetera. Just a fun album that goes well with the spring weather. Also, A+ for having a Wet Hot American Summer sample on the album too. Download this!

THE STEINWAYS - "MISSED THE BOAT"

down til we're underground episode 10

2009-03-11T12:51:00.001-07:00

This one was so much fun. Good music and good times with Ben and Jake in the studio. The show is a lot more fun having people in there with you. We had a nice number of listeners, but I'm hoping we can start getting more (trying to get back to that 20 I had on the last show last semester...). If you didn't catch last night's show, definitely download it. I think it's worth your time.

DOWN TIL WE'RE UNDERGROUND: EPISODE TEN

1. "Let Them Eat Thomas Paine" / Dillinger Four
2. "Controlled Karaoke" / Nodzzz
3. "Socialized Crucifixion" / Assuck
4. "Opportunist" / Joshua Fit For Battle
5. "Fortune" / Marked Men
-------------
6. "Fall of Enchantment" / Earthmover
7. "It Shits!!!" / Bomb the Music Industry!
8. "Small Town Drama" / Nightstick Justice
9. "Trendy Nazi Hypocrites" / The F.U.'s
10. "She Took Him to the Lake" / Alkaline Trio
11. "One and the Same" / Deathreat
12. "Fruitmarket Fantasy" / The Steinways
-------------
13. "Chuck Berry Holiday" / Nobunny
14. "Cease" / Breathing Fire
15. "Kiss of Death" / Buried Alive
16. "Five Finger Discount" / Choking Victim
17. "Rust and Flame" / Guyana Punch Line
18. "Burned Out in a Jar" / Polar Bear Club
-------------
19. "Untitled" / Mammoth Grinder
-------------
20. "Titus Andronicus" / Titus Andronicus
21. "I Saved Latin" / American Nightmare
22. "Make Me a Mixtape" / The Promise Ring
23. "Never Met the Gooch" / Kid Dynamite
-------------
24. "Untitled" / Special Unnamed Band

PAST EPISODES:
Episode One
Episode Two
Episode Three
Episode Four
Episode Five
Episode Six (I was too busy due to finals week and never got a chance to upload this show, which is a shame, because it was a good one.)
Episode Seven
Episode Eight
Episode Nine

elliott smith said it best.

2009-03-06T22:19:00.000-08:00

I walked home alone again tonight. No friends. No girl. No nothing but my headphones and Jeff singing to me about how you don't own me how he's happy with his flaws.

I walk past all the bars on 4th and on University and it makes me seethe with utter contempt. I hate all of them. I hate them so much. Their hollow, pathetic lives, but hey, they're happy. They're having the time of their lives being wastes of flesh and bone and fucking and fucking over and fucking off and being fucking done. I can't help but have an expressive frown on my face when I see men with their nice white shirts and pre-distressed jeans try to talk to some girl who's vagina is hanging from below her dress. I can't help but hate their laughs and their stupid shitty lives that I don't even know the first thing about. Maybe they're good people? I don't give a fuck if they are.

I hate everyone I see. Everyone. Every girl who doesn't look at me and every girl who does. I hate every guy who thinks hes better than me and every guy who actually is. My friends? What fucking friends? Who the fuck can I truly relate to except a small, small number (most of which don't even live in this fucking state?). Who do I have to call? Who do I have to cry to? No one and nothing.

I yell "fuck all of you" off my balcony and my hearts beats slow and hard. I hate the sororities that line my street and I hate everyone that I never have to see. I hate too much and too little all at the same time. My life is an enigma.

I'm desperate. I'm disconnected. I'm disenchanted. I'm depressed. I embarrassed myself today in front of the one person who makes me feel sane every so often here and I went back to my room and hit my head against my desk. She probably thinks little of me of now.

Get me out of here. Get me out of this mess. This is what happens. This week has been great. I've been happy. Content. Breathed easy. Tonight changed everything.

I walked home alone again tonight. As always. No one ever walks back. No one goes anywhere. Everyone stays and rots and dies. Fuck all of them. I want to move. I want to breathe. I want to be something. I want to do something. I need people to relate to. I need people to talk to. I need someone to want to be my friend. I need a lot of things. I need everything.

I walked home alone again tonight, and it won't be the last time.

down til we're underground episode nine

2009-03-04T00:09:00.000-08:00

I am going to let tonight's show do the talking for itself. HIGHLY recommended listening material. If you listen to one show of mine... make it this one.

DOWN TIL WE'RE UNDERGROUND: EPISODE NINE

1. "Cold Chillen' Cold Chillen' / Stuff Like That I Like" / Bomb the Music Industry!
2. "Adjust Me" / 9 Shocks Terror
3. "Blackout" / Warcry
4. "You Alone" / Pressure
-------------
5. "Asheville" / Rosa
6. "Bloodbath at Burger King"
7. "I Don't Care" / Violent Minds
8. "Retardation Hatred" / Pretty Little Flower
9. "Wake Up and Live" / Youth of Today
10. "HSN1" / Extortion
11. "Me & You" / Walls
12. "Two Way Street" / The State Lottery
-------------
13. REQUEST - "Phill Connoe Is Me" / Perth Express
-------------
14. "2.5 Cliche" / Cold Sweat
15. "You Will Fail" / Takaru
16. "Darker Lens" / Disnihil
17. "Killing a Camera" / Braid
-------------
18. "Invisible Leader" / Fucked Up

PAST EPISODES:
Episode One
Episode Two
Episode Three
Episode Four
Episode Five
Episode Six (I was too busy due to finals week and never got a chance to upload this show, which is a shame, because it was a good one.)
Episode Seven
Episode Eight

probably a mistake.

2009-03-02T11:07:00.000-08:00

I started my poetry blog again, which is filled with lackluster and bad poems. I don't feel good at it anymore (not saying I was to begin with). Oh well, hopefully this will force me to improve since I know people will be reading it. I encourage you to comment on them and tell me if you fucking hated them or if you loved them or whatever. Seriously, if you thought it was bad, let me know. I won't take it personally.

http://somepeoplenevergocrazy.blogspot.com/
http://somepeoplenevergocrazy.blogspot.com/
http://somepeoplenevergocrazy.blogspot.com/

"it's blood."

2009-03-01T16:17:00.001-08:00

One of the weirder trips I've been on for the most part. We saw two horrible movies at the film festival and two really good ones. Seeing Eric was awesome. We ate good food. Sedona is the biggest yuppified wasteland ever, though.

Back to the daily grind.

down til we're underground episode eight

2009-02-25T11:29:00.000-08:00

There was some technical difficulties in this one, but there's always a first time for everything. Other than that, I really, really like this playlist a lot. It's got something for everyone. That's pretty much all I got for this installment.

DOWN TIL WE'RE UNDERGROUND: EPISODE EIGHT

1. "Paper Thin" / Hot Water Music
2. "Enslaved by Machinery" / Insect Warfare
3. "Wind and Smoke" / Never Healed
4. "Try Suicide" / No Talk
5. "Aren't All Songs Political? Aren't All Songs Vaguely Referential?" / The Max Levine Ensemble
-------------
6. "The Point of No Return" / Tragedy
7. "Forced to Strike" / Socialcide
8. "All the Time" / Vivian Girls
9. "Why be Something That You're Not?" / Negative Approach
10. "Wooden Beads" / Needles
11. "The End Result of Four Years of Temp. Labor" / Greyskull
12. "Aggressive Collector" / 14 or Fight
13. "Black and Red" / Avail
-------------
14. "Din Aura Av Sorg" / Martyrdod
15. "Fear of God" / Religious as Fuck
16. "Holy Shit" / Mehkago N.T.
17. "Product of Power" / Jenny Piccolo
18. "Body Count" / This Bike is a Pipe Bomb
19. "Spring Fevers" / Pink Razors
20. "Naked" / Disembodied
21. "Watch Them Hang" / Harm's Way
-------------
22. "1" / Life in Chains
23. "And We Thought That Nation States Were a Bad Idea" / Propagandhi
24. "Ronnie's Dead" / Direct Control
25. "Dan's Hands Melt" / Armalite
26. "Death to Spies" / The Endless Blockade
27. "No Mercy" / Repercussions
28. "Fantasy Won't Last" / Out Cold
29. "Not for the Weak" / Life's Blood
-------------
30. "Gimme Coffee, or Death" / Mischief Brew

PAST EPISODES:
Episode One
Episode Two
Episode Three
Episode Four
Episode Five
Episode Six (I was too busy due to finals week and never got a chance to upload this show, which is a shame, because it was a good one.)
Episode Seven

...

2009-02-23T21:34:00.000-08:00

I think I'm actually going insane. I need a friend.

Also, 100th post.

this post is not the treat.

2009-02-22T23:48:00.001-08:00

This post is actually stupid.

Anyhow, the Pineapple Express skit at the Oscars was the best thing in the world and that needs to pop up on Youtube. Other than the ceremony itself being pretty neat, I was pissed about most of the winners, minus a few. Now on to even stupider things:

James Franco's girlfriend (?) is gorgeous. Who is she?!

Also, Amy Adams was smoking and needs to be in more good movies to validate me liking her more than just the fact that she's beautiful.

I also can't find a good picture of Tina Fey but goddamn do I love her.

I realize how stupid this post is. And I apologize. SO SUE ME.

i have a treat for all of you.

2009-02-21T22:44:00.000-08:00

Expect it in a day or so. On this blog, of course. Your help will be needed, but it is good help that takes no effort at all and it's a present. For you! Does any of this make sense? Just expect something cool on here in a day or so.

i love the japanese.

2009-02-18T19:11:00.001-08:00

down til we're underground episode seven

2009-02-17T23:24:00.000-08:00

This was my first show back this semester. I was locked out last week which was total bullshit. What's noteworthy about this show is that I accidentally cursed on air. I can usually catch myself but this time it just slipped, but I don't really care and it's not like I'll get in trouble for it. This show was a fun one, though. I thought my playlist was good and I had a fun time rocking out. I'm stoked for next week!

DOWN TIL WE'RE UNDERGROUND: EPISODE SEVEN

1. "Reflections" / Trial
2. "Down Town Syndrome" / Shredder
3. "Set in Stone" / Death is Not Glamourous
4. "Lydande SMA Dockor" / Victims
5. "Crucial Unit's Friendship Picnic (Album Edit)" / Crucial Unit
-------------
6. "My War" / Black Flag
7. "Lowest Depths" / New Lows
8. "Under the Streetlight" / Coke Bust
9. "I Wanna be a Homosexual" / Screeching Weseal
10. "War? What War?" / Dangers
11. "New Horizon" / Warpriest
12. "Means of Buoyancy" / Young Livers
13. "Life-Rot" / Vile Gash
-------------
14. "I Hate You" / The Suicide File
15. "Banned From Teen Arts" / None More Black
16. "In Ruins" / The Black Hand
17. "Lever" / Terminal Youth
18. "Small Snails" / Cheeky
19. "Storm of Stress" / Terrorizer
20. "Units" / Rotten Sound
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21. "Mono-Loser" / Bookburner
22. "Wasted Youth" / SS Decontrol
23. "Make Me a Mixtape" / The Promise Ring
24. "Below Zero" / Burned Up Bled Dry
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25. "Die Painfully" / Witches With Dicks

PAST EPISODES:
Episode One
Episode Two
Episode Three
Episode Four
Episode Five
Episode Six (I was too busy due to finals week and never got a chance to upload this show, which is a shame, because it was a good one.)

all of us feel trivial.

2009-02-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

"saturday" ahem.

2009-02-14T22:32:00.000-08:00

"This song makes me sad."
"Keep it."
"I like this song but it makes me sad."
"Just keep it."

do you understand what i'm saying, sir?

2009-02-14T15:22:00.000-08:00

"I'll tell you about punk rock: punk rock is a word used by dilettantes and ah... and ah... heartless manipulators about music that takes up the energies and the bodies and the hearts and the souls and the time and the minds of young men who give what they have to it and give everything they have to it and it's a... it's a term that's based on contempt, it's a term that's based on fashion, style, elitism, satanism and everything that's rotten about rock 'n' roll. I don't know Johnny Rotten but I'm sure... I'm sure he puts as much blood and sweat into what he does as Sigmund Freud did. You see, what sounds to you like a big load of trashy old noise is in fact the brilliant music of a genius, myself . And that music is so powerful that it's quite beyond my control and ah... when I'm in the grips of it I don't feel pleasure and I don't feel pain, either physically or emotionally. Do you understand what I'm talking about? Have you ever felt like that? When you just couldn't feel anything and you didn't want to either. You know? Like that? Do you understand what I'm saying sir?"

you're one of them.

2009-02-12T23:56:00.000-08:00

Today is the birthday of one of my all-time heroes, Henry Rollins. Not only was Henry Rollins the voice of one of the greatest bands ever, but he is also an amazing writer and poet, has hilarious and poignant spoken word, and his TV show is pretty good to boot. One of the best men ever. Today goes out to you. I will be listening to My War all day long for you, pal.

awesome.

2009-02-12T13:16:00.000-08:00

I just found this blog/online cartoon and it's excellent. Everyone watch this guy's cartoons - they are some of the funnier things I've come across lately.

Meth Minute 39

His blog

Space Cowboy On Mars from Dan Meth on Vimeo.

ugh.

2009-02-10T22:33:00.000-08:00

Today has just been one of those days.

THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN!

2009-02-08T00:31:00.000-08:00

DOWN TIL WE'RE UNDERGROUND returns THIS TUESDAY at 11 PM!

Listen at KAMP.ARZIONA.EDU!

PLAY FAST.

nostalgia.

2009-02-03T22:54:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling nostalgic for my younger, formative years lately. I remember watching this video when I was younger on Toonami. It still feels powerful to me now and the message is still true. I feel like others might think it's cheesy, but I don't know... it's really affecting to me.

january movie reviews

2009-02-02T14:20:00.001-08:00

This is the first year I’m trying really hard to keep this up. Movies that are rewatches will be reviewed, but if they are watched again in the same year, I will not write a new review, unless I feel like I have a new insight to share.

The “reviews” do not serve the typical purpose of reviews either. These reviews are not to entice anyone to see the films (but I recommend you view the ones with higher ratings if you have not already), but just for me to write down my sort of stray thoughts about the films in question.

You’ll notice that I started off with the initial idea of writing one to three sentence reviews. You’ll also notice I sort of said “fuck it” to that idea.

Also, I know some people don't believe in perfect movies, let alone multiple perfect movies. But I think some movies are just so great and I can't find anything wrong with it that a full 10 just seems deserved. But that's just me.

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS TO TONS OF MOVIES!

January

Magnolia (DVD, 10/10) – Incredible story, incredible acting, incredible directing from the best director ever. Incredible.

Closer (DVD, 6/10) – Enjoyable and thoughtful, but suffers from the same thing most plays-to-movies suffer from: feeling small and like there’s much more to explore and expand on now that it’s a film.

Frost/Nixon (Theater, 7/10) – Excellent acting but suffers from possibly fictional discussions that play as key moments in the movie and occasionally slips into “This is how I talk in a movie, I was the president, this is exposition” type lines. Also, Ron Howard is a solid director but rarely takes risks or tries new things. His direction feels safe.

Futurama: Bender’s Game (DVD, 7/10) – This is obviously rated on a totally different level than any “film.” Better than the last Futurama movie, not as good as the first. Humor is less situational and much more broad, but still proves to be funny.

Hard Eight (DVD, 8/10) – PT Anderson’s first. Not as good as his later films, but is still better than most everything else out there. Phil Baker Hall is awesome in this and Samuel L. Jackson has a great monologue near the end. Even at this early in his career, Anderson already has a good grip on his “style” with long tracking shots and an excellent understanding of human interactions. Excellent movie.

Slumdog Millionaire (Theater, 6/10) - This movie is stylistically breathtaking and filmed with tons of energy and vibrant colors. The first half of the movie, telling the story of when the main characters were younger, is much more enjoyable than the second half though. The first half is full of fun and heartbreak and the plot device is still fairly original. The second half says, “fuck it,” and turns into a cliché story devoid of any real human emotion and feels horribly trite. The cinematography and direction is still top-notch, but the story dive bombs.

Pineapple Express (DVD, re-watch, 9/10) – Everyone thinks I have such elitist tastes, but this isn’t the case - I just like good movies. Pineapple Express happens to be a great one. I love Seth Rogen, but he’s not the best part of this action comedy: James Franco is. His character is so fucking funny that he delivered, to me, the funniest movie line of 2008 (“What’s in there? A fucking Rancor?”). This movie is filled with hilarious jokes and badass action. The fight scene in Red’s is a great example of violence mixed well with comedy. Ugh. Such a good movie. I own it now so I’ll be watching this whenever I’m feeling down.

28 Days Later (Theater, re-watch, 7/10) – While this is still an excellent movie, I felt like it wasn’t as good as the first time I saw it. It’s still pitch-perfect, creating an amazing atmosphere and having some amazing shots, but I realized how stilted most of the acting is. There’s also some “x factor” that I can’t put my finger on that bugged me a bit. Still a fun movie and has some excellent moments of violence. I don’t see myself watching this again, though.

Deconstructing Harry (DVD, 10/10) – Dane has been telling me for a while this is one of Woody Allen’s best and I now agree with him. I’m a sucker for Woody movies like this because I can’t help but relate and understand. His writing is as sharp, thoughtful, profound, and funny as ever. It uses some interesting filming techniques, too, like abrupt jumps in scenes and the like. It’s a movie about a man who demands so much from his world that he can’t even function properly in it, so he hides himself in life-reflecting art and vice. Tons of great anti-religious stuff too (“Harry, I know where he learned phrases like ‘banging beavers’ and ‘fuck God.’”). Woody’s movies are so unique in voice and are always so fun to watch. Excellent acting, hilarious vignettes (Robin Williams being out of focus is genius), incredible script, and that classic Woody directing. Excellent movie, one I will surely be watching again and again.

Mulholland Drive (DVD, re-watch, 10/10) – I saw this movie something like three or four years ago, and at the time it made no fucking sense to me, and so it somehow slipped out of my head. Re-watching last night in my darkened and lonely dorm room, the movie made a huge impact on me. I can honestly say I can’t think of a movie that has ever gotten under my skin more than this one. I felt afraid to go outside. The movie has these feeling of constant unrest and horribleness, like anything could happen at any moment. This permeated into my real life. I looked behind my chair and in my bathroom, to make sure no fungus-growing blackened bum was lurking. This movie reminds me of the anime series Boogiepop Phantom and the play The Rimers of Eldritch, only in the sense that it assumes it’s audience is smart and competent and refuses to give away the story in some horribly convoluted exposition. This is one to re-watch, and then watch again, and then again. David Lynch proves he’s fucking nuts, but in the best way possible. The movie pops with flashes of color, and is given an eerie atmosphere by the purposely stilted acting (The movie becomes even more creepy on second viewings, knowing the nature and reason of the acting). And just remember: “No hay banda.”

Happiness (DVD, 7.5/10) – This was a difficult one. And trust me, coming from me that means something. I want to point out that I was not offended by this movie, but multiple parts proved hard to watch. Also, simply because I gave it a 7.5 is not to say that I did not like this movie, I thought it was very well done, thoughtful, and the acting was seriously on par (Dylan Baker and my man, Philip Seymour Hoffman, having the strongest performances), but it didn’t really command my attention and didn’t feel all that compelling most of the time. This is movie about how fucked up we all are, essentially. At first I thought every character besides Trish was miserable, but then I realized even before she found out her husband raped two young boys, she was living a hollow, seemingly loveless life. And even though you don’t see her cry over it in the movie, you can tell it eats away at her. That’s also the movie’s hardest portion: Dylan Baker plays a pedophile who rapes two young boys simply because, as he puts it, “he can’t help himself.” While no child rape is actually seen, the scenes with him drugging children or dealing with a child the morning after are hard to stomach. Some people misguidingly call this a “sympathetic portrayal of a pedophile,” but this is simply not true. Solondz simply gives the facts and Dylan Baker delivers a seriously strong performance of a man haunted by shame and lust. Simply because he’s not some greasy man licking his lips at children people assume this makes it “sympathetic.” If that were the case, the movie would not be as harsh as it was. Other things of note: Only movie I can think of besides porn that has (without seeing the genitalia) cum shots; Philip Seymour Hoffman (as Allen) really does the best job at playing socially scared and pathetic people, which he does with so much grace; Lara Flynn Boyle is beautiful; and possibly the most perplexing and great thing about the movie is the use of stereotypical “happy movie” stock music used at the most inappropriate times (Bill drugging his son’s friend, Allen masturbating to a random woman’s voice over the phone, etc), which creates these amazing moments of juxtaposition.

Dog Day Afternoon (DVD, 9.5) – First of all, the rating of 9.5 is totally arbitrary because I didn’t want to give it a full 10 and I didn’t want to give it a 9. So it’s 9.5. Anyhow, holy fuck. Al Pacino is the man in this movie. His performance is so astonishing I can tell it’s just going to stick with me. Even when he’s not speaking, his acting his phenomenal, as in the final scene where Sal is killed and he’s arrested. The look in his eyes as he sees the jet drive away, the hostages get into a car, the handcuffs are placed on his wrists: he just can’t believe he made it this far, did all of this, for nothing. It all blew up in his face. Charles Durning, as Moretti, also serves up an excellent performance as the seemingly only level headed person there. Seriously, though, this movie is all about Pacino and how fucking awesome he is, goddamn. So good! Also, excellent choice not having a soundtrack in the movie. The movie created the tone for itself.

The Reader (Theater, 5/10) – This really missed the mark. Unlike my hate that has been bubbling for Slumdog, my feelings for this movie lean more towards ambivalent and boring. I don’t hate it. I just don’t care. I read the book and decided that it would make a better movie, and after seeing the movie, decided it made a better book. Without the (albeit elementary) philosophy of the book, the scenes move forward with no purpose and we never truly get to go inside Michael’s head. Everything feels void of depth. Hanna and Michael’s relationship seems less loving and understood and more rushed, because we never get to go inside Michael’s head like the book allows. The movie also totally changes the message of the book, which is, are moments in our life affected by what came before or what could come after? The movie ditches this, leaving vestiges of it and decides to make it about a man’s obsession with a woman to the point of ostracizing people around him (this was exclusively created for the movie as the two characters that embody Michael’s fear of closeness were created for the film and appeared no where in the book). The movie looks okay but there’s nothing special about the cinematography. The script is decidedly hollow and is just scenes that go forward because that’s what happened. The best part is the performances of the young Michael Berg and the professor. The twist of Hanna being illiterate is still a clever one, but again, given the “message” of the movie, feels out of place; unlike it did in the book. The movie also felt way too long (because it added unnecessary scenes that weren’t in the book) and just feels on a whole, pointless. What message was this movie trying to get across? Seriously? On a slightly off topic note, you see Kate Winslet’s boobs. A lot. Again, this wasn’t a movie I hated, and on a whole it certainly wasn’t badly made, the script just lacked everything it needed to be compelling. It just moved. But I can’t give it anything lower than a five. That just seems unfair.

The Wackness (DVD, 8/10) – I am a sucker for good “coming of age” stories. There’s nothing I can relate to more than a loser who is sexless and pines for the girl he knows he can’t have. Luckily, this movie does that sort of tired story justice and feels new. The choice of time period is seriously awesome, and is probably one of the biggest plusses for the movie. Josh Peck and Ben Kingsley have great chemistry as unlikely best friends, and Olivia Thirlby plays the kind of girl I know all too well to a T. Everything about this movie is pretty spot on. The direction was surprisingly competent and there were some real cool shots that impressed me quite a bit. Minus some lame moments in the script (Like when Luke goes to Steph’s apartment and Justin comes to the door naked… what movie has that scene not been in?) this is a really enjoyable movie. It’s not deep and full of profound meaning, but it’s certainly not dumb and shallow. It’s just very enjoyable, something I wouldn’t mind watching again.

Revolutionary Road (Theater, 9/10) – Now this is a fucking movie. Harsh, devastating, completely engrossing stuff. Tightly filmed, and explosive acting that was only escalated as the movie was allegedly filmed in sequence. I am big fan of Leo and I feel like he really escalated himself to new heights in this one. The scene where April, Winslet’s character, calmly tells him she doesn’t love him anymore and he was “just some guy at a party who made her laugh” and he then beats the chair against the wall and pours his heart into his rage is just… excellent. Their tortured relationship is a depressing spectacle, with Winslet giving a FAR better performance than what was seen in The Reader (possibly because the material was so much better here). Michael Shannon is also great as a sort of “bearer of truth,” playing a man just out of the insane asylum who picks apart Frank and April’s world in a few cutting words. The movie is another exercise in “everyone cheats on everyone” which is starting to really bum me out in movies, but I guess it’s part of a life. A depressing part. The movie looks impeccable as well, and Mendes uses some interesting tricks (setting facial reactions into the left upper part of the screen – where the audience usually looks) to make it just as engrossing to watch. This is just one those solid movies that is impossible to knock. Maybe a few bits in the script that are lame (The usual stuff that pisses me off, like blatant exposition) but the movie is expertly crafted. The movie is an excellent portrayal of “the grass is always greener…” but having no sense of what is on the other side to begin with, if anything. Wanting, yearning, waiting for something – but never looking for it, never trying to assess what you already have either. Letting yourself die in a state of wanting anything but “this.” By the way, the most affecting scene to me was the scene shown right before the movie title, with Frank and April’s fight on the side of the road (“You, in a trap? You, in a trap?”). It’s the just so affecting to show such an aggressive, seemingly “it’s been coming” fight five minutes into the movie. A devastating movie, but one that is done so well. A true horror movie.

Manhattan (DVD, 10/10) – God, what is there to even say? This movie is perfection. Simple as that. No one makes movies like Woody.

The Wrestler (Theater, 9.5/10) – Fucking brilliant. No one else could’ve played Randy the Ram than Mickey Rourke, whose name is for the most part unknown to my generation. This movie is his story, and Aronofsky decides to take a break from fucking your mind and lets Mickey tell the story with his camera just following him around. This is just simply a human story, a story of a man who truly has nothing but one thing in his life. His daughter hates him. His friends nonexistent. The woman he likes pushes away and doesn’t approve. What’s so great about this movie is that it’s rich in character and visuals, but it’s a simple story. It’s about a man trying to do right in a world that’s spitting in his face. You see his ups, his downs, him do right, him do wrong, but he always has one things: Wrestling. This is not a complicated movie. This is not a complicated story. This is just raw human emotion put to film and we are given the pleasure to just revel in it. Really inspiring and gut-wrenching all at the same time. Brought tears to my eyes.

Gran Torino (Theater, I can’t even fathom the proper rating for this one) – My experience watching Gran Torino was not my usual movie going experience. I was not really interested in seeing it, but my friend Sam invited a bunch of people to go see it for his birthday. We saw a late showing, so the theater was fairly barren. There were two couples and another group of six people or so. I was ready to give the movie a shot… and then, right as the title came on the screen, my friend Justin said aloud, “When does this movie get racist?” That set the tone for how we saw this movie. If I were to see it in the middle of the day, Sunday, with a ton of people, I wouldn’t find most of this film funny, but fucking EVERYTHING in this movie was a joke to us. Clint Eastwood played some wild parody of himself, grimacing overbearingly at fucking everything, growling and grunting his way through the script. His character, Walt, started of making racial slurs, but then just descended into saying meaningless insults (like, “bonehead”) and making them sound racist. There was a scene where Clint Eastwood coughed up blood and then said, “fuck me,” which to us was the funniest thing and we kept on repeating throughout the movie, out loud. Look, if you know me, then you know I HATE people talking during movies in the movie theater, but this was just too funny to pass up. At one point there was this sexual innuendo going on in our heads during a scene where Thao was helping Walt take something up the stairs, and they kept on arguing who was going to go “on top.” Don’t get me started when Walt answered the door and Thao just immediately asks, “WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FAUCETS?” Not to mention EVERYONE did a horrible acting job, and I mean fucking everyone. At one point I asked the seemingly innocent question of, “What is up with this movie?” and Jake just responded, “It’s five hours long and there’s no story!” at which point I just fucking lost it I was laughing so hard. How this movie can be taken seriously by anyone is beyond me. Just seeing Clint in sweatpants made us all die of laughing. And then, if the movie wasn’t beyond all comprehension ridiculous to begin with, right as the closing credits started a song came on… WITH CLINT FUCKING EASTWOOD SINGING. WHAT THE FUCK. Strangest and funniest movie experience ever. What an odd movie.

Til next month...

my short film.

2009-01-31T14:54:00.000-08:00

Blogspot is stupid and it doesn't really allow you to embed widescreen youtube videos. So you have to press the link. Enjoy...

RED, a short film.

the way it is.

2009-01-27T22:21:00.000-08:00

I'm just a fuck up. Just a goin' nowhere fool who's stubborn as all hell and destined for something. Something, at least.

your selfesteem is one notch above kafka's.

2009-01-25T01:49:00.000-08:00

A quote from Woody Allen's 1979 masterpiece, Manhattan.

"Listen to this: 'He was given to fits of rage, Jewish, liberal paranoia, male chauvinism, self-righteous misanthropy, and nihilistic moods of despair. He had complaints about life, but never solutions. He longed to be an artist, but balked at the necessary sacrifices. In his most private moments, he spoke of his fear of death, which he elevated to tragic heights when, in fact, it was mere narcissism.'"

Sound like anyone you know?

oscar nominations.

2009-01-22T13:00:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again, where many people - including myself - think the Oscars actually matter (because they do, don't they?!). It's not the fact that I think the Academy is the end-all be-all of movie opinions (they aren't, not by a long shot), but there's something very fun about them. The fact is that even if they do ignore tons of great films, this is some prestigious shit. It's not like it's a Nobel Peace prize or something, but it's close enough to care about it. The Oscars have the legacy now of being the judges of all serious film, and that's something you just can't ignore.

Anyhow, here are my opinions of the nominations and how, for the most part, they fucking suck.

Bold are what I think SHOULD win.

Italics is what probably WILL win.

Then, after the category, I give my opinion.

Also, one more thing: The fact that there are NO nominations for Synecdoche, New York is some of the biggest bullshit ever. It was the second best movie of the year. It's not as big of bullshit as motherfucking Dark Knight not being nominated for best picture, though. Yeah. I'm bitter. On with the show...

Best motion picture of the year

* “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
* “Frost/Nixon”
* “Milk”
* “The Reader”
* “Slumdog Millionaire”

This year has the weakest best picture line-up ever. Such bullshit. The Reader is one of the worst films I saw all year. Benjamin Button was long, dry, and for the most part uninvolving. Frost/Nixon was good, but not great. Slumdog Millionaire looks fantastic, but that's it - the script is beyond sub-par and the acting is entirely forgettable. Milk is the only movie on this list that was a legitimately great film, and one of my favorites of the year. In a perfect world, Doubt and The Dark Knight would take the place of the Reader and Slumdog Millionaire. And The Dark Knight would win. But alas...

Performance by an actor in a leading role

* Richard Jenkins in “The Visitor”
* Frank Langella in “Frost/Nixon”
* Sean Penn in “Milk”
* Brad Pitt in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
* Mickey Rourke in “The Wrestler”

I have not seen The Wrestler yet (it just came out here this weekend, I'll be seeing it on Sunday), but I imagine Rourke deserves this. But since I haven't seen it, I'm going with Sean Penn, who went above and beyond as Harvey Milk.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

* Josh Brolin in “Milk”
* Robert Downey Jr. in “Tropic Thunder”
* Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Doubt”
* Heath Ledger in “The Dark Knight”
* Michael Shannon in “Revolutionary Road”

Notice how two are bolded? Because both of those were two of my favorite performances of the year. I am an undeniable Philip Seymour Hoffman fanboy, and I thought he was damn near perfect in Doubt. But then there was Heath, who also gave one of the best and most chilling performances of the year...I want both to win, and Heath probably will, and that's fine with me. Josh Brolin was also great in Milk and if the Academy insisted on putting in a comedic performance, they could've done James Franco in Pineapple Express, who was hilarious. Still cool that they have Robert Downey Jr. in there, though.

Performance by an actress in a leading role

* Anne Hathaway in “Rachel Getting Married”
* Angelina Jolie in “Changeling”
* Melissa Leo in “Frozen River”
* Meryl Streep in “Doubt”
* Kate Winslet in “The Reader”

I only saw two of these movies, Doubt and the Reader. I didn't care to see the others. Kate Winslet gave a whatever performance in the Reader, so here's hoping the Academy does right and bestows this upon Meryl Streep.

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

* Amy Adams in “Doubt”
* Penélope Cruz in “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”
* Viola Davis in “Doubt”
* Taraji P. Henson in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
* Marisa Tomei in “The Wrestler”

I haven't seen the Wrestler, so again, she could be amazing... but I do know everyone's been blowing their load over Viola Davis so she'll probably get it and deserves it. Penelope Cruz was great too, but I'm afraid I just liked her performance because it was a Woody film. Who knows!

Best animated feature film of the year

* “Bolt”
* “Kung Fu Panda”
* “WALL-E”

I don't even get the point of nominating anything else.

Achievement in directing

* “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, David Fincher
* “Frost/Nixon”, Ron Howard
* “Milk”, Gus Van Sant
* “The Reader”, Stephen Daldry
* “Slumdog Millionaire”, Danny Boyle

Ugh. So disappointing. Where's Nolan?! And Stephen Daldry?! Really?!

Adapted screenplay

* “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, Screenplay by Eric Roth, Screen story by Eric Roth and Robin Swicord
* “Doubt”, Written by John Patrick Shanley
* “Frost/Nixon”, Screenplay by Peter Morgan
* “The Reader”, Screenplay by David Hare
* “Slumdog Millionaire”, Screenplay by Simon Beaufoy

Slumdog's script was filled with cliche and trite drivel, but it'll win because it's a "feel good" movie or something. I don't know. And Benjamin Button is just whatever, so maybe they'll choose that, too. So frustrating. Here's to hoping for Doubt...

Original screenplay

* “Frozen River”, Written by Courtney Hunt
* “Happy-Go-Lucky”, Written by Mike Leigh
* “In Bruges”, Written by Martin McDonagh
* “Milk”, Written by Dustin Lance Black
* “WALL-E”, Screenplay by Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, Original story by Andrew Stanton, Pete Docter

First: WHERE THE FUCK IS SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK? Second: I loved Wall-E, but giving the Best Screenplay award to an animated movie seems too "out there" for the Academy so it'll probably go to Milk, which is fine, too, I guess.

Best foreign language film of the year

* “The Baader Meinhof Complex”, Germany
* “The Class”, France
* “Departures”, Japan
* “Revanche”, Austria
* “Waltz with Bashir”, Israel

I haven't seen any of these but am dying to see The Class and Waltz with Bashir. I think The Class will win, but I mean... I really don't know at all. I wish Sweden entered Let the Right One In for consideration... that would've been great, and would've won. Maybe.

The rest is technical stuff, which I don't have much to say about, but I'll still give my opinion on as it still matters.

Achievement in art direction

* “Changeling”
* “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
* “The Dark Knight”
* “The Duchess”
* “Revolutionary Road”

Achievement in cinematography

* “Changeling”
* “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
* “The Dark Knight”
* “The Reader”
* “Slumdog Millionaire"

Achievement in costume design

* “Australia”
* “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
* “The Duchess”
* “Milk”
* “Revolutionary Road”

Achievement in film editing

* “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
* “The Dark Knight”
* “Frost/Nixon”
* “Milk”
* “Slumdog Millionaire”

Achievement in makeup

* “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
* “The Dark Knight”
* “Hellboy II: The Golden Army”

Achievement in sound editing

* “The Dark Knight”
* “Iron Man”
* “Slumdog Millionaire”
* “WALL-E”
* “Wanted”

Achievement in sound mixing

* “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
* “The Dark Knight”
* “Slumdog Millionaire”
* “WALL-E”
* “Wanted”

Achievement in visual effects

* “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
* “The Dark Knight”
* “Iron Man”

So that's it. I left off the best shorts and stuff because I have no clue about that shit. Also, the best original song category is the biggest piece of horse shit because it excluded the song "Little Person" from Synecdoche, New York and the Bruce Springsteen song from The Wrestler. Waste of a category.

Now tell me how I'm wrong, how I'm right, or whatever. You have nothing better to do... like me.

fuck my stupid shitty life.

2009-01-15T10:42:00.000-08:00

almost done.

2009-01-08T21:59:00.000-08:00

First, I now own every PT Anderson movie.

Second, here are the movies out that I still need to see:

Slumdog Millionaire
Gran Torino
Revolutionary Road
The Reader
The Wrestler
Che
Wendy and Lucy
The Class

Almost there.

hm.

2009-01-07T16:47:00.001-08:00

I think I want to drop out.

best current filmmaker. period.

2009-01-04T21:59:00.000-08:00

again, best mom in the world.

2008-12-27T17:10:00.000-08:00

my present to you.

2008-12-25T09:24:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah. I hope everyone is having an awesome time with their family and friends. I know I am. Cheers!

Here's my present to you, my winter break mix. Enjoy.

It's the End of the Year a.k.a. Yes, I Do in Fact Like Wimpy Music and Hip-Hop.
1. "Titus Andronicus" / Titus Andronicus
2. "The Start of Something" / Voxtrot
3. "Gimme the Loot" / Notorious B.I.G
4. "Accordion" / Madvillain
5. "A Favor" / Okkervil River
6. "Black Sand" / Jenny Lewis
7. "Coney Island" / Songs for Moms
8. "Saliva" / Viktor Vaughn
9. "Can I Kick It?" / A Tribe Called Quest
10. "Drunk Kid Catholic" / Bright Eyes
11. "New York City Cops" / The Strokes
12. "Mastermind" / Deltron 3030
13. "Mushaboom" / Feist
14. "The Nigga Ya Love to Hate" / Ice Cube
15. "Oh Shit" / The Pharcyde
16. "Left and Leaving" / The Weakerthans
17. "D.A.R.L.I.N.G" / Beach House
18. "Urban Crop Circles" / The Gibbons

HAPPY HOLIDAZE, YA'LL!

reunited at last.

2008-12-24T13:07:00.000-08:00

Best friends 4evah.

dig it?

2008-12-23T01:04:00.000-08:00

Bernadine Dohrn is probably one of the only terrorists I'd do the nasty with. Hubba hubba.

catching up.

2008-12-20T22:13:00.000-08:00

I got a digital camera a little while ago.

I spent tonight with one of my close friends who went off to Portland for college, Levi. It was really nice.

some days are good.

2008-12-19T20:24:00.001-08:00

But this day was great.

FUCK YOU, WORLD.

2008-12-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

Fall semester is over.

year end list: best albums of 2008

2008-12-18T15:39:00.001-08:00

While this was a slow year for movies, it was certainly not a slow year for my turntable. So many amazing punk, hardcore, indie, and whatever else records came out this year that it actually became a chore keeping up with it. I did my best, though.

As the middle of the year was passing and I was already thinking about making this list, it occurred to me that doing a typical "top 10" would be impossible. Picking a top 10, let alone ordering them, would be too stressful: so many different records were good for different reasons and seriously, there were SO MANY records released this year. So I said "fuck it, I'll just post everything I liked this year."

So that's what I'm going to do. Only the first four are in any order. The other records I'm posting could easily be as good or even better than the four that are actually in order, but I really stopped trying to order them after awhile. This is a huge conglomerate of awesome shit that came out this year that everyone should check out. Some people would consider this "cheating," to just post 20+ records or whatever in no discernible order, but I don't really care.

Also, a fair warning: I sound like an idiot when I write about music. I don't really know to do it "properly." So bare with me.

One last thing: If I left anything out that you think was great and I was an idiot and just forgot to add it to my list, let me know. Of course, I'd have to of heard it, but I'm forgetful sometimes so it could happen.

So anyways, without further ado, here are my favorite records of 2008.

TOP 4

1. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS - "FROM THE BOTTOM" LP

This should come as no surprise to anyone. I've been talking up this band ever since I heard them last year and have been talking up this album ever since I got it. If you're looking the most solid punk release all year, this is it. Catchy as all fuck and more depressed that Sylvia Plath, I'm really close to calling this album a masterpiece. And you know what? I'm going to call it that. This album is a pop-punk masterpiece. I cannot name a single thing released this year that I listened to more.

For those who don't know, Off With Their Heads are a Milwaukee based band who, a year ago, were fairly unknown and released primarily only split 7"s with others bands no one really knew about either (Obvious exception: J Church split). They released the phenomenal debut LP "Hospitals" and pretty much from there the ball got rolling. They signed to No Idea Records, who released a collection 12" and this LP. While even I can admit (being the unabashed fanboy that I am) that some of their earlier 7"s are "eh," I can assure this LP is anything but that. This album will get stuck in your head, ingrained hopefully. It helps that some of the catchiest moments on this LP contain such lyrics as, "Until the day I die, I fucking swear / I'm going to make your life as miserable as mine," and "I might as well just kill myself tonight / I don't want to, but I don't see any other way." So awesome.

Again, I cannot recommend this enough. Buy it. Blast it from your stereo speakers. Make your friends listen to it. Sing along to it. Love it. Best album of 2008, easily.

2. OKKERVIL RIVER - "THE STAND INS" LP

As much as I am an Off With Their Head's fanboy, I don't know if my obsession with them can compare to my love for the almighty Okkervil River. I remember the exact moment I heard them, remember my first reaction it, and remember calling my friend Dane up right away and telling him I just heard the most amazing band. The rest, as they say, is history.

Anyhow, while I love this band to death their last album was, in my opinion, extremely lackluster. I felt like the "The Stage Names" didn't have the bite of Okkervil's earlier stuff, and was a much more conventional "indie" record than they're previous stuff. The darkness was gone, and in it's place was something much more accessible.

"The Stand Ins" strikes me as a return to what was working before with a few touches of "The Stages Names" put into it. And it works oh so well. At times upbeat and care-free, other times dark and pained, Okkervil's new LP is, realistically, what "The Stage Names" should have been: a progression, but not an abandonment of what they were. "The Stand Ins" is an amazing album, filled with some of Will Sheff's more personal and less story telling lyrics. "The Stand Ins" just feels more unabashed, more like, "This is what I want to say, so I'm just going to say it." And it's beautiful, because it works so well.

God. I love this band.

3. CURSED - "III" LP

I put this record on my turntable. I place down the needle. It gives back a low hiss and a slight pop. The first track starts. Feedback. Voices. "Politics of fear." I start to get uneasy, like having someone following you home and they're only three steps behind. It starts to build. I get more unsettled. Where is this going?

"Go shopping, go back to the mall. We'll take care of it."

And then, a fucking explosion of anger, hatred, violence, and evil comes flying from my speakers. It may seem hard to believe, but Cursed has never sounded so fucking angry. On their final album, "III", Cursed serve up their most vile release. It sounds like it was recorded in a garbage can (but in a good way): the guitars crunch, the vocals screech, and the drums pierce. It sounds so evil.

The stand out tracks are easily "Night Terrors," and the slow, hurtling "Friends in the Music Business," which ends with the repeated, spiteful refrain of, "Don't call me / I won't call you," which never fails to make me nervous. Just something about how he screams that over and over again really gets under my skin.

Excellent record. Sadly, the last this band will ever release, so cherish it!

4. DILLINGER FOUR - "CIVILWAR" LP

How many years has this album been in the making? Three? Four? Something like that. The point is that it was finally released and I couldn't be happier.

To be honest, what is there to say about D4 that hasn't been said before? Everyone knows they're the kings of modern punk. This album is catchy, has great lyrics, and is just fun to listen to. That's honestly all there is to say, really solid album.

Only one compliant: Eric only sings a handful of songs. The rest Paddy sings. Some people seem to like that. I'm more of an Eric fan, though, so I wish there was more Eric on this. Other than that, great album. Again, highly recommended.

The Best of the Rest
(Keep in mind this stuff could be just as good or better than what's in the top 4, I was just too lazy to really order these. Well, none of these are better than Off With Their Heads... but the others maybe.)

MIND ERASER - "CONSCIOUS UNCONSCIOUS" LP

Uncompromisingly brutal and heavy. Deciding to try something new, Mind Eraser ditched minute long blasts of chaos to offer up two 10 minute long songs that encompass the heavy, the slow, the fast, and the evil. A seriously awesome record that honestly has something for everyone. Put this on and destroy your room.

ALGERNON CADWALLADER - "SOME KIND OF CADWALLADER" LP

First of all, fuck this band's name. Second of all, I was at first very stubborn about this band. Their hype was as big as Mt. Everest and I was having none of it. I already have Cap'n Jazz, why would I need this?, was my thought process. I'm willing to admit I was wrong, though. This album is fantastic. Twinkly guitars, upbeat melodies, youthful yelling and an overall dream-like feel encompass this record and I love it. The title track is so good it should be illegal. If you like you're indie rock to be less serious and have more songs about the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, check this band out. Really, really fun stuff that pretty much anyone could get into.

FAILURES - "SELF TITLED" LP

Been looking forward to this one for awhile. For those who don't know, this is one of those "super group" type bands, seeing as it contains members of: Ampere, Orchid, Aerosols, Charles Bronson, Das Oath, Cut the Shit, and plenty of others. And this record sounds like if you put all those bands in a blender. This record can be summed up in two words: Play fast. Thrashy, pissed, and snotty. This record is so great.

SONGS FOR MOMS - "THE WORST IT GETS THE BETTER" LP
(Couldn't find the cover art online... sorry.)

At the end of every KAMP Student Radio meeting, we get to dig through bins of new CDs that arrived at the studio for us to review. Usually, they're shit. Out of the 15 or so CDs I've reviewed, I maybe liked three of them. Anyhow, they had an LP sitting around in the CD bin. My friend Chelsea told me that if I reviewed the album, I could keep the record and just give the CD that came with it to KAMP. So, I took it. Free record, you know? Anyhow, I'm glad I did because this record fucking rules. It sounds like the Vivian Girls mixed Defiance, Ohio or something. Super cute, super fun, lo-fi punk. It's so good.

CULT RITUAL - "SECOND EP" & "THIRD EP" 7"

2008 saw a rise in fucked up, noisy, and disturbed hardcore and I am all for that. Cult Ritual is at the head this, in my opinion. Both of these 7"s destroy everything in their path, with walls of feedback and pained screams bellowing from their grooves. Evil at it's finest.

FUCKED UP - "THE CHEMISTRY OF COMMON LIFE" 2xLP

Some still hate Fucked Up some reason. Some people hate them after this release. I'll admit this LP is not as strong as 2007's "Hidden World," but this is still a quality hardcore record. People seem to freak out and hate bands when they try something new, so maybe that's why people had such adverse reactions to this? It's certainly different at times, like... sea shanty different. Still solid, though. Awesome record.

FAITHEALER - "BOUND AND CHAINED" LP

Dirty, grim, and evil sounding hardcore. Only way to describe it. I guess this was recorded something like a year or two ago but it only just got around to being released. Really good record.

EATING GLASS - "FEED THEM TO THE VULTURES" 7"

At times metallic, at other times more straight up hardcore, this release seriously caught me off guard. Didn't know what to expect and I was not let down. This rages so hard. It stomps and it blasts. Check it!

DRUNKDRIVER - "BORN PREGNANT" LP

The nosiest, most disgusting, most ugly sounding thing that came out all year. And it's fucking awesome. If you like to feel like you're trapped in a tin room with five chainsaws going at once with people hitting the walls with shovels, and some guy just screaming in your ear, pick this up. It should suit you.

GET BENT - "DEMO 2008"

I've listened to this a bit too much this Fall semester, I'd venture to say. It's only a demo, but goddamn, this is so good. Equal parts Latterman and The Broadways, Get Bent serve up a 5 song demo of instantly catchy and sing along-able songs. It sounds like the east coast in the fall. I know that sounds dumb, but thats what I see in my head when I listen to this. Get this if you like pop punk at all, please!

SHE & HIM - "VOLUME ONE" LP

Fuck you. This album rules. Zooey Deschancel, please be mine.

HARM'S WAY - "SELF TITLED" 7"

Oh my God. Kill fucking everyone when this record is on. This 7" is less Infest/Crossed Out sounding then their last one and more Integrity/Ringworm sounding. It makes me want to kill. It makes me wish I moshed. This record d-e-s-t-r-o-y-s.

HARVEY MILK - "LIFE... THE BEST GAME IN TOWN"

Heavy and somber, Harvey Milk serve up a whole new album of heavy-fucking-metal and grim folk songs. I still like "Courtesy and Goodwill Towards Men" more, but this album seriously delivers. One of those bands that are really hard to describe, but once you hear them, even if you don't necessarily like it, you can appreciate it and understand it. Really powerful album in all senses of the word.

IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE - "THE 3RD WORLD" LP

This guy does not fuck around. In his 3rd full length, Immortal gets only angrier and more intense. I listened to this exclusively for about two weeks. Nothing else. Just this. Those were a good two weeks. If you hate autotuned and hook-filled rap, then put this on. Dude is for real.

BLACKLISTED - "HEAVIER THAN HEAVEN LONELIER THAN GOD" LP

Lately, there's been a phrase being thrown around known as "Deathwish Hardcore," and pretty much anyone into hardcore knows what that means. If you like it or it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, it doesn't really matter, because some bands on Deathwish rule... but realistically most suck. Blacklisted is of the former variety. This is a solid hardcore LP that goes from the "Me vs. You" lyrical mentality of most modern hardcore and does a "Me vs. Myself" thing which is way better in my opinion. Into it.

Other equally great albums that I just got too lazy to write about -
Teenage Bottlerocket - Warning Device
A Silver Mt. Zion - 13 Blues for Thirteen Moons
Walls - s/t
Breathing Fire - Years of Lead
Sex Vid - Communal Living
Trap Them - Seizures in Barren Praise
Meneguar - The In Hour
Punch - Eyeless
Vivian Girls - s/t
Blah blah blah blah blah

Go listen to these records.

no one.

2008-12-18T12:17:00.001-08:00

Like yelling into a swamp. It sucks it in and makes it devoid of life, meaning. Green and ugly and who even cares.

I will wander into grey.

no studying.

2008-12-17T18:34:00.001-08:00

The sun's last rays tucked themselves behind the mountains. Day fleeting. Day leaving. Walking side by side. Cool air like a mint breeze. A woman.

She said: "You two look like young love."

We laughed. The sun died and it was given a sacrifice like a virgin who has been fucked a million times by the tricksters of the night.

where am i.

2008-12-16T00:12:00.000-08:00

Heart goes taut. Held tight. Hung by a noose, it quietly whimpers. Heart burn. Heart ache. I want to punch a brick wall. Fuck up my knuckles and cry battery acid. Blind. Blind from every fucking word that was shoved into my head. Phone rings start to sound like wind: remote and transparent, blending into everything else. I feel light. Weightless. Don’t let go. I’ll float to the ceiling. The view from up here is shit. Nothing is clear. Nothing makes sense. Nothing looks beautiful. It’s all grey and old and dying and sad.

Where are the pats on the back? Where are smiles? Locked up and now fucked up. No one is fortunate enough. No one that’s me. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. But that’s your arm; you’re making me do it. Take it. Take it all away. Take every single fucking part of me, tear me limb from useless limb until I’m just a pool of blue blood, never touching the air and useless. I’m useless. My voice sounds of a radiator. Buzz. Buzz.

I’ll wake up and forgive and forget and fuck and be fucked. I’ll run my own car into the wall forever. Each time I wake up is in a dream. Endless tunnels. Endless doors. No end in sight. No light. Just my legs burning and the smell of burnt tire.

i could watch this forever.

2008-12-14T13:09:00.000-08:00

new trailer.

2008-12-13T10:14:00.000-08:00

The trailer for the new Steven Soderbergh/Benicio del Toro epic "Che" has just been released, and holy fuck, does it look excellent.

"How does it feel to be a symbol?"

books i would recommend to people who did not know me.

2008-12-12T11:00:00.001-08:00

Has someone you don't know that well, but knows you enjoy reading, asked you for book recommendations before? I've had tons of people do this to me, and I usually give serious suggestions based on their interests or something like that. I've decided to abandon that and have decided to just recommend books that will make them think I'm crazy, perverted, violent, or all of the above. Keep in mind, these are all great books - just fucking weird books.

TROPIC OF CANCER BY HENRY MILLER

This book, minus everything profound and meaningful about it, is about an American in France who fucks. A lot. Like, I'm pretty sure 90% of this book is about him having sex. Also, I get the feeling that the word "cunt" is used more in this book than the word "the." Just speculation, though.

THE BOX MAN BY KOBO ABE

The story of a man who shuns society and identity and walks around in a big box, scribbling notes and drawings on the inside of it while being stalked by a man with a sniper rifle. All of Kobo Abe's books are admittedly pretty fucking weird, but this is his most well done. Seriously nuts, but also profound.

STEPS BY JERZY KOSINSKI

This book compiles small, loosely tied vignettes about terrifying encounters of sex and violence. Man watches girl have sex with donkey. Man finds women naked and battered in a cage in an abandoned barn. Man watches another man commit suicide in a public restroom. Man unknowingly has sex with a man. Man watches a man get beheaded. You get the idea. This book is about repressed imagination and the simple misunderstandings between people. But really, it's just about sex and violence.

i'll stay in forever.

2008-12-11T22:40:00.001-08:00

Bashed head. Cracked skull. Broken fingers. Snapped wrists. I can’t find an ounce of care in my spit. Woke up, fucked up, thrown out, ad nauseum (ad nauseum ad nauseum). Who put me here? My father’s penis and my mother’s vagina. Those same exact things rear their ugly heads everywhere I go. I don’t want to listen to my dick, following ovaries like an invisible string attaches them.

Why am I jealous of the man who has the woman I didn’t even want? I wish my dick would separate itself from my body. Live it’s own life.

Burnt hair. Burnt flesh. Burnt. My veins pump carbonation. Just enough to get me through the day. We’ll fuck. I want to fuck. Fuck myself up on fucking. And we’ll play the games. We’ll do whatever it is the books tell us to do. My come is not some poetic elixir of life; it’s just something I want to get out of my body. Expel it. I don’t care. I don’t have an ounce of care in my come.

Stained bed sheets ever since adolescence. I’m sleeping in as late as I possibly can until I feel like a bigger piece of shit than I actually am. Until my grease from my nose becomes too much. Until my soiled bed sheets smell so bad that I have to rip them up. Snooze. White noise permeates my waking hours. Everyone talks in white noise. Nothing comes through. Nothing registers. Might as well not talk. Might as well turn it off.

I’ll fuck you and you’ll hate it. You’ll hate it. Not because you don’t want it but because it disgusts you. Because two naked bodies so close is so fucking vile, so filthy. I’ll try to unlock your door but it’s the wrong fucking key. Every guy has the wrong key. Nothing will ever be like the movies and nothing will ever be naturally beautiful. We add the beauty, but humans don’t understand beauty. We don’t understand anything.

I dream of throwing myself off of my balcony but never hitting the ground. Just falling. I’ll dream of jacking off but never coming. I’ll dream of writing but never producing a thought. I’ll dream of dreaming but never waking up. Stuck in my own head. Where I belong.

if you asked me,

2008-12-10T20:14:00.000-08:00

"What five books should I read?", I would say...

Ask the Dust by John Fante
Factotum by Charles Bukowski
The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac

"What five movies should I watch?", I would say...

Annie Hall (Woody Allen)
There Will Be Blood (P.T. Anderson)
Good Will Hunting (Gus Van Sant)
Do the Right Thing (Spike Lee)
The Dark Knight (Christopher Nolan)

"What five albums should I listen to?", I would say...

24 Hour Revenge Therapy - Jawbreaker
Black Sheep Boy - Okkervil River
A Name Writ in Water - The One AM Radio
Goddammit - Alkaline Trio
Life. Love. Regret. - Unbroken

10 best films of 2008 (a tentaive list)

2008-12-06T23:50:00.000-08:00

A Disclaimer:

Living in Tucson poses some problems when it comes to watching movies. On the plus side, we have an excellent independent movie theater that does a really good job of getting great lesser known movies here into town. On the other hand, these movies tend to come to Tucson very, very late. Sometimes never.

I'm itching to make this list but I have to deal with the problem of some of the most exciting movies released this year I have not seen yet and may not come here til January 2009.

Movies that that have not come to Tucson yet that I assume would make my list, and will be somehow edited into my list If I see fit in the future, are as follows:

- Milk
- The Wrestler
- Frost / Nixon
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- The Reader
- Doubt
- Che

Revolutionary Road has been pushed back world-wide to a limited January 2nd release, which means that won't be here til much later anyhow.

So lets calls this my first draft then.

***

TOP 10 FILMS OF 2008

1. THE DARK KNIGHT

2. SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK

3. WALL-E

4. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN

5. SNOW ANGELS

6. VICKY CRISTINA BARECELONA

7. PINEAPPLE EXPRESS

8. FUNNY GAMES

9. THE FALL

10. THE COUNTERFEITERS

Almost made it:
Religulous
Zach and Miri Make a Porno
Burn After Reading
Iron Man

dear hanukkah fairy,

2008-12-05T22:08:00.000-08:00

All I want for Hanukkah is a lifetime's supply of Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk Cliff Bars.

i have the best mom in the world.

2008-12-04T20:58:00.000-08:00

My mom won billboard space in a raffle last year. She did this for my birthday. Sure, the writing is sort of cheesy, but I love it. I wish all my friends were in it!

If you want to see it, it's on Broadway inbetween Highland and Euclid, facing east. It's only up til the 14th, so go see it soon!

down til we're underground episode five

2008-12-02T00:30:00.000-08:00

Tonight's show felt odd, I guess. I don't know. I liked my playlist but I feel like I sounded like more of an idiot when talking tonight than usual. Oh well. There were some sweet jams tonight, though. Also, the girl before me was trying to show me some lame Barenaked Ladies song or something while "Burning Fight" was playing. Stupid.

DOWN TIL WE'RE UNDERGROUND: EPISODE FIVE

1. "Burning Fight" / Inside Out
2. "Blame" / Failures
3. "Advancement to Ruin" / Black Kites
4. "Burn the Eyes" / Asschapel
5. "Slow Chorus" / 88 Fingers Louie
6. "Get in the Pit" / Vitamin X
7. "Some Kind of Cadwallader" / Algernon Cadwallader
8. "Breakout" / The Steal
9. "Freedom Fucker" / Aerosols
10. "Poisoned Seeds" / Buried Alive
11. "Life as One / Nazi Youth" / Antidote
12. "Love is a Lie" / Cut the Shit
13. "Lake Michigan" / The Broadways
14. "Klan Scouts" / Weekend Nachos
15. "Blinded" / Undertow
16. "Riding With Mary" / Born Against
17. "Whiskey, Women, and Blackguarding" / American Steel
18. "Out For Blood" / YDI
19. "Even Slaves Will Be Swimming In the Blood Of the Iron Fist"/ Backstabbers, Inc.
20. "Rattled" / Crossed Eyes
21. "Famine" / Brain Dead
22. "Set Your Own Pace" / Cryptic Slaughter
23. "Swing Set" / Uruk-Hai
24. "Those Anarcho Punx Are Mysterious" / Against Me!
25. "Turnstiles" / Hot Water Music

save me from this paper.

2008-11-30T14:20:00.000-08:00

ARGHGHGHGHHHHGHGHGHGGGHGHHHGGGG.

I just want winter break. Ugh.

more shaq wisdom.

2008-11-27T18:58:00.001-08:00

"Why do they call minneapolis, the twin cities, nobody here looks a like, waaa waaa waaaaaa."

on why i hate thanksgiving.

2008-11-27T11:54:00.000-08:00

My Dad has a wonderful family. He is one of 13; 10 brothers and two sisters. His father is a kind and gentle man and his mother, rest in piece, was a wonderful women filled with care and compassion. My Father loves all of them very, very much, as do I and my sisters and Mother.

They come up from Mexico every November for Thanksgiving, which is a decidedly American holiday, but hey, it's an excuse for them to come up and spend time with us. And the idea seems very nice and to everyone else in my family it is very nice.

Not to me, though.

Because of my laziness and apathy, I have yet to really master in any sort of capacity the Spanish language. Sure, in class I can fill out a worksheet, whatever. But when forced to converse with my family I become scared and stammer, and I become embarrassed and retreat back to my room. I end up feeling like a stranger in my own house because of my inability to talk with my family, and I worry that they think I think I'm better than them or something equally as horrible as that. This is not the case. I'm just an idiot who is too lazy to learn my Father's original language, which he expresses grief in at any chance he gets. So, in the end, I just feel like a jerk by secluding myself from the rest of my relatives who in turn I believe think of me as some sort of asshole for not even trying to talk or hang out with them because in reality I'm scared.

Scared, can you believe it? Of my own family. It's sad, pathetic, and stupid. But it's the truth. It stresses me out and makes me worried and makes this otherwise pleasant holiday something of a nuisance to me. It puts me in a gloomy mood and I wish I could fix it. And I've been trying, but I feel like my Spanish will never be good enough. I feel too self-conscious, to aware of my mistakes in verb tenses and adjectives. It feels almost suffocating when I find myself slipping up on basic phrases in front of native speakers, even my family. So I hide myself away.

Besides all this, I enjoy Thanksgiving. Oh well.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone else, though. I'm just thankful for not being dead. And anyone who calls me "friend," I suppose.

a movie a week: punch-drunk love

2008-11-25T21:21:00.000-08:00

P.T. Anderson's Punch-Drunk Love is a polarizing film, it seems. I've talked to those who have applauded it and talked with those who have allegedly tried seven times to watch it but simply can't stomach it. I am of the former variety.

The first thing to note is that Adam Sandler, in all honesty, does a great job in this movie as Berry Egan, a depressed, bipolar business owner. Like Jim Carrey, I will always appreciate Sandler's dramatic performances over his comedic ones. Does this mean I don't like movies like Liar Liar or Happy Gilmore? No, of course not. Those are fun, harmless movies, but watching them now I can't help but feel that Carrey and Sandler have their gloves on, instead of the gloves being off. This said, Sandler's list of A-list dramatic performances is actually quite minuscule, as his other dramatic outings haven't been under the same quality of direction that Anderson delivers. Trust me, it's not like I consider movies like Spanglish or Reign Over Me milestones by any stretch of the word.

Still though, if Sandler never does a "good" dramatic movie again, it'll be okay, because his performance in Punch-Drunk Love is so, so good. I understand this seems hyperbolic and sort of ridiculous (but when wasn't I known for those things?), but it's not like while you were watching The Wedding Singer you were thinking, "Man, he could really pull off a socially scared, violently disturbed sociopath." Sandler's at times understated and at other times explosive performance is something that those truly interested in "characters" should study. Everything he does sounds like a ticking time bomb - each movie closer to cracking, each word closer to him losing his cool. While Sandler obviously can't hold a candle to "true" character actors like Daniel Day Lewis, Robert DeNiro, or Philip Seymour Hoffman (who does an awesome job as a minor character in this movie), he certainly shows them he knows what he's doing by crafting the disturbed Berry.

But not all the credit can go to Sandler. The man behind this film, P.T. Anderson, did an equal job creating Berry and the world he inhabits.

It seems to most people, this is considered a "minor" P.T. Anderson film, sharing the shelf with his first film that I actually haven't seen, Hard Eight, and possibly even Magnolia. It is usually used as a foot-note in discussions about Boogie Nights or There Will Be Blood, which I find to be unfair and certainly doesn't give this film the credit it deserves. Love is arguably one Anderson's more original and unique films, and it certainly deserves the credit it deserves when it comes to that.

The first thing one notices, or at least I noticed, in Love is the use of color. The movie is perpetually blue and red, even going as far as dressing our two main characters, Berry and Lena, in these colors. This creates a "colorful" world so to speak, but not in any sort of garish or cartoon-y way. Fellow film-maker and last-name-sharer Wes Anderson uses colors to create a striking, vibrant world that is alive and breathing well. P.T., on the other hand, uses these colors to subdue his world, to make you feel sunken in and uneasy and not welcome. Berry adorns himself in a blue suit throughout the entire movie, and it's quite the interest to his sisters, who continue to ask him when he got it and why he's wearing it. It seems Berry's suit is a sort of metaphysical object placed coyly into the movie (along with another item I'll get to later). Berry obtains this suit curiously as the movie begins to clue the viewer into the personality and mind of this character. At it's most basic, the suit simply means Berry is blue - sad and depressed, and as he wears the suit, his sisters, those who have known him his whole life, start to question Berry and his current state of mind. The suit allows him to be able to evaluate who he is and begin to make changes, to seek help, or just to find a place to hide within himself.

Another object that very curiously appears at the beginning og the film is the harmonium. Berry walks outside of his office to find a barren street when suddenly a van flips over and appears in front of him. The doors open and a man places a harmonium on the street and leaves. Who are these people? Why did they place the harmonium there? Anderson says, simply, "who cares?" The harmonium functions solely as a symbol and not a tangible object, just as Berry's suit does. His co-workers and sisters also question when he got the "piano," to which Berry never answers, as he never does when questioned about his suit. This is because these things function only as symbols, and not as actual objects in their world. When Lena calls the "piano" by it's proper name, a harmonium, the symbol becomes fully realized. Berry, when under stress and wishing to calm down, rushes to his harmonium and plays random keys, calming himself. Berry wasn't sure what it was that made him attracted to and subsequently calmed by the harmomium, but it becomes obvious when Lena recognizes the harmonium for what it actually is.

It represents love, the tenderness and yearning that Berry needed in his life. Lena can deliver this to him. Berry's violent tendencies and yearning for some to simply listen to him (which is why he calls the phone sex hot line and why the conversation is so stilited: Berry doesn't wish for the "sex" part of the call, just the talking) is finally corrected and fulfilled by Lena, who wears a red dress. Red can be found as a sign of progress and safety throughout the film (notice the ticket takers at the airport - they're wearing red suits). Berry can finally be happy and calm, and most of all, love and be loved. He can shed his blue suit and be rid of his harmonium.

There is so much more to appreciate and love in this movie. The amazing use of music to build almost hair-pulling stress and tension, the use of lens flair and washed out lights and color, and superb acting on everyone's part. To me, this is more than a "minor" Anderson film, but a full fledged, fully realized, and fully engorssing expierence. If you have yet to see the movie, I'll lend it to you. Seriously.

Seriously.

down til we're underground episode four

2008-11-25T00:50:00.001-08:00

First, I found Shaq's Twitter account. Yes, this is the real Shaq's Twitter account. Notable entries:

"Watchn true blood, thats were i was born and raised, dat vampire town, shaqula has been discovered aaaaggggh"

"3 DAYS GRACE, ITS NEVA 2 LATE, MY FAVORITE SONG"

"Ok i couldnt take it, i had to get a double cheeseburger from whataburger, pls 4give me lol"

"Last nite i told greg oden , 'we r not the same, i am a martian'"

"I get my neck cracked b4 everygame, today i felt a xtra clikadee clak"

"I'm watchn my 8 yr old son play, i'm jealous hes a better free throw shoota"

And the hits keep on coming.

Anyhow, this was a really laid back show. I played a whole LP and one really long song and three shorter ones so I had time to just sort of sit around. It was nice, though. "Kill the President" is my current jam. I love that song. Here's all the stuff:

DOWN TIL WE'RE UNDERGROUND: EPISODE FOUR

1. "Appropriate Faith" / Timber
2. "Kill the President" / The Arrogant Sons of Bitches
3. "Conscious" / Mind Eraser
4. "Unconscious" / Mind Eraser
5. "The Decline" / NOFX
6. REQUEST - "Damaged I" / Black Flag

TONIGHT.

2008-11-24T18:45:00.001-08:00

At midnight.

Go to KAMP.ARIZONA.EDU.

Listen.

AIM: Kamprequest

you're too kind.

2008-11-23T22:09:00.000-08:00

Thanks to everyone who had kind words to say about last night. It was my first time ever being in an accident and I wouldn't really call it "terrifying," but rather unsettling and unfortunate. I have a horrible ringing in my right ear that is reminding me of back when I was 15 years old and couldn't sleep for the better half of a year due to an intense ringing in both of my ears. It's debilitating and bothersome. I wish it would just go away. My back is starting to feel pain, as well. Oh well.

What interests me most is that my mind skips over a split-second when I replay it in my head. I'm driving. The light is green. I'm crossing the intersection. I see something out of the corner of my eye. I know what's coming. I slam on my brakes and horn.

Then the impact. But I don't remember this part.

The next thing I remember is shoving the airbag out of my face, looking at my slightly burnt arm, smelling the smoke, and feeling the floor of my car for my glasses. I don't recall taking off my seat belt.

I just find it so odd I don't remember that split second of the impact. I don't remember the sound. I don't remember the feeling. I don't remember what I saw. I don't remember the airblag deploying but I know it did. It's all just very odd and unsettling.

But not terrifying. Why? Because I'm not dead, hurt, and I didn't kill the other guy. That would shove this into "terrifying" land. This is just unsettling.

In other news, Twilight still sucks. Suck it.

Also, here are some videos I took of my friends being funny/drunk:

Lastly, listen to this album:

TRIAL - ARE THESE OUR LIVES?

"Because we want something,
and we want something,
and we want something more."

the loudest it's ever been.

2008-11-23T03:25:00.000-08:00

I couldn't of told you what it was like before and I can't tell you what it was like after.

It just happens.

Driving. Driving. Brakes. Horn. Next thing I know somehow my belt is off and I'm scrambling for my glasses. Smoke is rising. From where? I don't know. I don't get it. I hate that smell. Smells like rotting death. Maybe it was what Luke smelled when he was burning his dad, but that probably smelled worse.

Where's my phone? Where are my glasses? I just see shards of plastic. Is my phone destroyed? There are my glasses. The airbags went off. Lucky. Okay. Where's my phone. There it is. Should I call my mom first? Someone honks their horns at me. "Hey man, do you need help?" I should call 911.

"Sir? Sir?"
"Sorry. My ear. The sound is muffled."
"What is the problem?"

Where is the other guy? He's over there. How bad is it? I walk over to the other side. Hideous. Deformed. Not the way I know it. This is so fucked up.

"Swan and Speedway. I'm okay. I think he's okay. What? What? I can't hear you. I'm sorry, the sound is muffled in this ear. No, the 911 lady said to keep it here. I know it's in the middle of the intersection, they can drive around. I'm sorry? Are you still there? Yes. Swan and Speedway."

He's okay. He looks better than me. He seems like a nice guy. He understands. I apologize. He doesn't for some reason. Fucking jerk. This wasn't even my fault.

"Give me a sec."

I pull out my phone. "Mom?"

What's taking the cops so long?

Someone driving by asks if we're alright. I give him a thumbs up. I want to cry.

Some truck drives by and yells, "Fucking idiots." I hope he got into something worse than me after he said that clever one liner.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I can't open the passenger side. I just want my sweater. Fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this.

Finally, they come. Nice cops. Not the bad kind.

Where are they moving her? Just pushing her down the street like nothing. I have shit in there. Can I get it later? Where are they putting her? She's fucking gone for good. Fuck me. My registration is in there, dipshit. Do you know anyone who carries that around in their wallet, asshole?

Finally. My mom. Big hug. The cops explain some things. I'm not crying. I'm proud of myself. I'm not crying.

Yet.

Walk over to her. Here it comes. I can't form sentences. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. I loved her. I still love her. Demolished. Fucking gone. At least I'm not, right? At least I'm here. Las Vegas porno cards. I still can't open the goddamn fucking passenger door. Fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this.

Crying. I don't care. Crying. Crying. Just not in front of those fat cops. Not in front of them. Why? Because fuck them, that's why.

You don't care about what I'm studying in school. Stop fucking pretending. Fuck you.

I want to keep it. Just keep it in our driveway. They tow it away. I like this guy, though. He's better than the cops. "That's because you have to put it in park." Fuck. That's so obvious.

"Can I keep the key?"
"Ha ha, nope. Sorry. We need that."

"This is the case number." No ticket. No nothing. This was his fucking fault and nothing.

No one's hurt. No one bleeding. No one aching. Thank God.

Cry the way back home. Not staying down there tonight.

I loved her. She had problems but I loved her. She was falling apart but I loved her. I had my first sexual experience in her. I sang along to my favorite songs with my best friend in her. I loved her.

Ringing in my ears now. The loudest it's ever been.

Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck off.

1990-2008
Trying to have a sense of humor about shitty things.